I Love You, Dad

Heloow fellas :) have you enjoyed your day? I wish you have :D

Mmm… well, see, I’m just an ordinary girl who has an ordinary family in an ordinary life. My life is so simple. I just go to school, come back home, playing with my sisters, watching television, chit chat with my father and mother. Until I’m like this now. I almost 19^th on October.

When I was child, I never think what I will be in the future; all I know is eating and playing. Sometimes I study. I remembered when I was in 4^th or 5^th grade in elementary school; my mother was teaching me mathematic. I was so bad in it. I hate it. I think I’m not having any talent on it. My mother was teaching me algebra, but I couldn’t count it, then my mother was angry with me. I was really scare, I almost cry, but I scared if I cry, my mother would be more angry with me. On next day, my father was teaching me to read the clock. But, still I couldn’t read it. I didn’t know what’s wrong with me? Why did I couldn’t count?? Then my father was angry with me too, he was angry because I couldn’t read the clock although he has taught it to me repeatedly. All I can do is crying, what else?

After all of it happened to me, I was being so quite. I tried to learn mathematic so hard. But I couldn’t get any good score on it. If I get a bad score, I will rip the paper in my book directly, so my parents won’t know about it. One day, my father saw my book. He saw a little rip of the paper, and then he asked me. I couldn’t lie to my father, so I tell him the truth. I’m sure, you can guess what will happen.. Yes, he was angry. He grumbled on me. I bowed. I didn’t brave enough to see his eyes.

I do bad in mathematic. I use all the way to make it better but it doesn’t work at all. I still hate it.

My friends said that I just have to change my mind. Set my mind and practice a lot. Yeah, that so easy for you to say. In fact, I still couldn’t solve any mathematic problem, even it is a simple one. Oh I think, perhaps I still can counting it J

With my all weaknesses, I could pass my junior and senior high school well. Now, I m studying English in Politeknik Negeri Bandung. At first, my father complained about it. Why did I choose English? Actually I’m from SMK and my major is accounting. My father wanted me to choose an engineer. Honestly, I couldn’t choose it. I didn’t even have any confidence to look at it. But my father didn’t understand. He always regret me, why I chose English. Why I chose English is because I like it. I never tired to open dictionary over and over. I do it with fun. Although I never get a high score, but at least I’m happy doing this. I wish my father also understand about that.

Actually, from my deep heart, I really want to make my parent proud of me. Especially my father. I know I always make him disappointed. I never be what he wants. I always make him angry. But I really love him. I love him very much. He is a great father that I ever have. He has given everything for his family. His love, his time, his energy, his attention, his responsibility. Everything to make his family happy.

I know my father wants me the best. He has thought and planned everything the best for me. But I ruined it. I am extremely sorry, Dad. I just don’t want to do a things that I don’t like. Perhaps, I don’t try to understand your feeling, Dad. I don’t know that all the things I do is hurting you. My words is sometimes make you sad. I just don’t find any ways to explain that to you, Dad.

One day.. When you were sitting in front of the house in the beautiful afternoon, you called me. You asked me to sit with you. You told that I’m your first daughter; I have to understand our conditions. I have to think maturely. Then he asked me to see my sisters and brothers, they are still child and he is getting old. He doesn’t sure if he could pay of their life cost in his age now. He really relies on me. He hopes if I could be study well in college, get the job, earn a living for my family life, got married and have a beautiful and big family. That’s all.

I wanted to cry, but I hold it. I think all of his words and he is right. I just want to be a devoted daughter.

I want to do everything so his wish on me can be come true.

As the other parents, my father always gives me a guidance to face my life, because when I’m studying in college, I will live in a boarding house. Alone. I have to be able to take care of myself. I always remember it, Dad. Especially when you told me that I don’t need to have any relationship with a boy for now. I tried to do that.

All I do is for making you proud of me, Dad. Im sorry if it not makes you satisfied. You also have to know that your daughter is also having the abilities and the weaknesses. You have to accept it. I love you, Dad. I always love you.

I through my life with everything I have. I cherish all the time with people who loving me and I cherish all I have. I thanked to Allah, because Allah has given me so many angels in my life.:)

Lets knowing each other

when you judge me without knowing me, you do not define me, you define yourself #damnitstrue

Morning fellas :)

Today, I feel I'm not good. My body is weak, but I'm strong enough to write here and share you everything.

Have you seen my picture above? yes, I put it when I was searching in Google.

Sometimes, people always talk about somebody, either they have known them or not. I think it doesn't good, or unpolite ways. Actually, our religon has taught us to treat people well. Talking about the weaknesses of the person is a wrong things. I still learn about that, because, as you know that keeping our mouth from it is a difficult one. Have you ever heard a proverb "a tongue have not bones" (perhaps this is Indonesia's proverb), it means that we have to keep our tongue from talking people. Our tongue is slippery, it can produced a wrong words, even we don't realize it, and suddenly it can hurt someone's feeling.

Words can be a sword, ripping the feelings, but it can be an energy to motivate other. It depend on us, which ways we would like to use. (to be continued...)

Kue Bolu Kismis Ala Mama

Ini kue yang simpel dan mudah buat dibikin. Aku pertama kali bikin kue ini sama mama pas aku pulang ke rumah. Sekarang aku ingin berbagi dengan kalian resep untuk membuat kue yang enak ini :D
Check this out !

Alat :
Sendok utk adonan kue
Wadah ukuran sedang utk adonan kue
Loyang ukuran sedang
Mixer
Oven

Bahan :
Telur 4 buah
Gula 1 gelas (sesuai selera)
Mentega 1 bungkus
Susu bubuk 1/2 gelas (sesuai selera)
Terigu 1 gelas penuh
Kismis secukupnya

Cara pembuatan :

1. Masukan 4 telur tadi sama gula ke dalam wadah, jangan lupa telurnya dipecahin dulu yaa..., lalu campur bahan2 pake mixer kecepatan sedang, sampe bahan2 tercampur semua dan keliatan sudah agak ngembang. Kalo udah ngembang, simpen dulu adonannya.
2. Lelehkan mentega sampe cair.
3. Ambil adonan tadi dan masukan susu bubuknya. Aduk pake sendok Setelah itu, masukin terigu perlahan-lahan sambil diaduk juga, kalo terigunya udah dimasukin, sekarang masukin mentega cair ke adonan, aduk perlaha juga sampai semua bahan tercampur dengan baik.
4. Masukin setengah adonan kue ke dalam loyang, jangan lupa taburin kismisnya diatas adonan kue, lalu tutup lagi dengan setengah adonan kue lagi dan taburi kismis lagi.
5. Setelah semua adonan sudah dimasukan ke dalam loyang semua, masukkan loyang ke dalam oven dengan panas kira2 (hmm berapa ya? ya dikira2 aja deh, seenggaknya cukup panas buat matengin kuenya, atau kamu bisa nanya sama ibu kamu, oke ), kalo aku sih kira2 setengah jam.an gitu lah. Masak dulu aja, kalo udah setengah jam, cek kuenya, udah masak apa belum.
6. Kalo udah masak, tinggal dihias2 atau dipakein aksesoris kue apa lagi, terserah, sesuka kalian aja. :)

 Okee.. kuenya udah jadi. Selamat menikmati ! :D

Just a glancing thought

Well, to be honest, I don't understand with love or anything that related to it.

I just know its theory, I ever read one book which inside is explain about how is love made of and its process. If I'm not forgot, love is kinda like a chemical. It's made by two special chemicals things which are produced by our brain. When we see someone who make us happy or make our heart beating so fast, that chemicals will spontaneously produced by our brain and it's flow and spread inside our body. Our mind will influence by that chemicals and we feel 'love' to him/her.

It just a theory, I don't really sure, what happened in the reality. Long time ago, I ever felt like I 'love' a boy. The signs of love were happened to me, all of it. But after it ended, I just felt empty. Nothing was left in my heart. And it just happened, like a blowing winds.

But hey, I'm happy I could ever feel that kind of feeling, even it was no longer. However, it was so beautiful.. warm.. and everything is lovely. :) Isn't it?
How is it not beautiful if there's someone who always care toward you and give his attention only for you? how is it not make you glad if there's someone who always ready to give his shoulder when you feel you could'nt solve your problem alone, and he will give his chest so you will crying on it freely. Put your problem away and make you comfort.

I just feel, I care about him, I do.. but when he leave, mmm... I don't know...
Perhaps, it doesn't love. Perhaps it just a temporary feeling. Although I don't know, what love is. All I know is love only for Allah SWT.

The word 'love' is very common to say. People around the world are familiar with the word 'love'. Of course, they say it everytime, everywhere with everybody. It can be for their family, friends or their someone special.
But for me, it is unusual thing :(
I remember that I ever said that word, mmm.. that three words, to him, only him. Nobody else. Because, at that time, he made me feel like I'm the only special someone for him. He tried to convince me and I was convinced by him.

After a few years he left, I realized something. It just a word :) like a blowing winds, it comes and goes.
I couldn't hold on it for longer. But it gave me unforgettable moments...
I can only be thankful to Allah, because Allah ever bring him into my life and colored it.
Now, I can only memorize it... as my fond memories.

Do you know? I think I'm selfish and I always think that it's useless to have a relationship with a boys.
I don't mind if I get closer to them, they, or anybody else. But when I see them, suddenly I think what did they do? Don't they know that it just for temporary, that it will be not for longlast. But hey.. who I am? I also can't decide what will happen to them. I don't know either, it's Allah's business. I just guess.That things always appear in my mind. Yeah, I just keep it for me. So now, when I have a relationship, I never expect much. On top of that, I never think that I could have a love story like in the fairy tale, where all of the relationships are ended with a happy ending. Our life is fact, not fake.

Enough for now, thank for reading. :)

This is the story

This is the story. I didn't know what kind of story. I copied this from someone else. Someone who have the same story with me. I didn't have any purpose posting this story. I just wanted to share her experience. I didn't expect any comments of this from you. Just read.. and pretended that you were her.. and felt it.. :)

Hari ini, hari terakhir di tahun 2011. Yap, 31 desember 2011. Besok adalah tahun baru, ku harap..

Banyak peristiwa yg terjadi di tahun 2011, mau itu baik, buruk, lucu, sedih, memalukan, menyebalkan, dll. Dan mungkin ini juga terjadi pada kehidupannya. Tadi pagi , tidak tahu apa yg mendorongku untuk membuka facebooknya menggunakan akun facebook palsu buatanku. Kulihat sekilas status2 yg dia buat. Sedih memang melihatnya begitu sayang pada pacarnya saat ini. Meskipun pertengkaran sering terjadi diantara mereka, sama seperti aku dan dia dulu. Teringat lagi kenangan2 yg telah lama aku kubur, kenangan2 itu tak berhenti melayang2 dipikiranku. Mereka seperti membuat film documenter, kilasan kenangan saat aku masih bersama dia. Saat pertama kali aku mengenalnya, saat pertama kali dia mengirim sms, saat dia bilang kalo dia suka padaku, saat kita pergi dan menghabiskan waktu bersama.

Sakit hatiku mengenang itu semua, entah mengapa. Tapi sesedih apapun itu, tetap tak ada air mata yg menetes di mataku. Mungkin karena luka itu sudah terlalu dalam dan aku sudah tak mempunyai kekuatan untuk mengeluarkannya, menyembuhkannya. Kuliah di bandung, bermain bersama teman2 dan ketawa2 memang membuat ku lupa, tapi hanya sejenak. Ketika aku berada dalam kesepian dan sendiri, aku teringat akan keluargaku, juga akan dia. Dan setelah itu, aku hanya bisa menangis. Apalagi yg bisa aku perbuat ?

Aku mempunyai teman laki2, mereka baik. Tapi tetap hatiku tak bisa menerima kehadiran mereka. Hati ini serasa menolak untuk menggantikan tempatnya dihatiku. Aku menjadi orang yg menyebalkan bagi mereka. Tapi aku tak bisa memaksakan hati ini. Lagu d masiv – rindu setengah mati, kadang aku tak berani mendengarkan lagu ini, karena air mataku akan sangat mudah mengalir. Banyak hal yg bisa mengingatkan aku kepadanya. Seperti  jam pasir itu.. jam pasir yg dia hadiahkan kepadaku ketika dia pulang dari pangandaran. Jam pasir itu masih aku simpan sampai sekarang, ingin sekali aku membuangnya. Tapi selalu saja ada perasaan menolak. Aku kembali menyimpan jam pasir itu dilemariku.

Setahun ini, banyak kejadian yg terjadi pada kehidupanku dan kehidupannya. Aku selalu berpikir, apakah dia masih mengingatku? Apakah dia masih mengingat kenangan ketika bersamaku ? apakah dia masih mengingat semuanya tentangku seperti aku  mengingat semua tentang dia dan semua hal yg dia suka dan tidak suka ? atau apakah sebaliknya, dia sudah melupakanku ? aku tidak tahu. Tapi melihat tindakannya terhadapku seperti dia memblock facebook ku, memberikan nomor handphone ny yg lama (dimana semua sms ku tersimpan dulu) kepada pacarnya sekarang dan benar2 memutuskan hubungannya denganku, aku bisa mengambil kesimpulan bahwa dia memang benar2 ingin melupakanku. Aku menangis. Kenyataan ini begitu menyakitkan ketika aku harus disadarkan kembali kalau dia memang bukan milikku lagi. Kenapa ada pikiran semacam ini padahal aku telah melalui waktu yg panjang tanpa dia. Tapi kenapa…? Kapan ini akan berakhir ?

Sudah lama aku tidak membuat catatan seperti ini. Terakhir aku membuatnya ketika hatiku sudah benar2 tak mampu menahan beban pikiranku terhadap dia. Aku hanya bisa mencurahkan semua isi hatiku lewat catatan seperti ini. Agar aku bisa membacanya di waktu yg akan datang dan menyadari bahwa aku yg dulu adalah orang yg sangat2 bodoh. Dan mungkin saat membaca catatan ini aku akan tertawa dan berjanji pada diriku sendiri kalau aku tak akan berbuat seperti apa yg aku perbuat dulu.

Ada satu hal yg ingin aku ceritakan disini. Aku tidak bermaksud menyalahkan dia  atas semua yg dia perbuat kepadaku hingga aku jadi seperti ini. Aku pun tidak tahu mengapa aku seperti ini. Tapi yg aku rasakan sekarang adalah aku jadi mati rasa. Aku berpikir aku seperti ini karena dulu aku terlalu menyayangi dia dan aku belum siap menerima kalau sekarang dia meninggalkanku. Tapi aku salah. Aku seperti ini, mati rasa kepada cowok lain, karena aku takut. Aku tidak berani mengambil resiko untuk menyayangi seseorang yg akhirnya akan menyakiti diriku sendiri. Aku sudah muak mendengar janji2 yg dulu dia ucapkan kepadaku tapi tak satupun dari janji itu dia tepati. Padahal aku sangat berharap dia akan menepati janjinya, walaupun kecil, walaupun sebentar, mungkin aku akan sangat senang dan mungkin luka ini akan sembuh walaupun sedikit. Tapi dia tidak melakukannya. Harapanku hancur. Ternyata dia bukan orang yg pantas untuk diharapkan.

Dulu ketika aku masih bersamanya, aku menjadi buta. Aku buta karena aku tulus menyayanginya, menerima dia apa adanya, dengan semua sifat, sikap dan kondisinya. Aku sangat menyayanginya sampai aku tak pernah lengah dari dia. Aku tk pernah berpikir untuk mempunyai cinta lain. Aku selalu mengarapkan dia. Aku tak pernah selingkuh, aku tak pernah membandingkan dia dengan yg lain, aku tak pernah melakukan sesuatu yg bisa melukai hatinya. Aku selalu menyayangi dan menjaga hatinya. Walaupun dulu dia jauh dariku, tapi aku selalu percaya bahwa dia akan melakukan hal yg sama dengan apa yg aku lakukan, bahwa dia akan selalu setia kepadaku.

Ada beberapa teman laki2ku yg kesal melihat tingkahku, mereka berpikir sesayang itukah aku kepada dia sampai2 aku begitu percaya bahwa dia akan baik2 saja dan tetap menjaga hubungan kami. Tapi aku tak pernah mempedulikan pikiran mereka semua, yg aku tahu dia sayang aku, aku sayang dia, dan aku tak pernah berpikiran buruk tentang dia.

Begitu berartinya dia untukku dulu. Aku berpikir tak akan ada yg bisa menggantikan dia. Dan mungkin  itu berlaku sampai  sekarang. Aku merasa ketika aku membuat catatan ini, aku berada di waktu yg lalu. Aku melihat semua kejadian antara aku dan dia. Waktu yg aku lalui bersama dia dan seakan2 ada pusaran waktu yg lain, yg memaksaku untuk kembali ke waktu sekarang. Dimana aku dan dia mempunyai kehidupan yg berbeda, situasi dan kondisi yg berbeda. Dimana semua keadaan tidak seperti dulu lagi.

Tapi benar apa kata pepatah, waktu akan menyembuhkan luka yg tidak bisa disembuhkan oleh obat. Atau waktu adalah obat yg mujarab untuk menyembuhkan luka hati. Tapi luka itu belum sepenuhnya sembuh, dia meninggalkan bekas luka yg dalam. Dan itu masih terasa sakit dan perih. Belum ada yg bisa membuatnya lebih baik.

Tak ada alasan yg kuat mengapa aku membuat catatan seperti ini. Mungkin karena tadi aku membuka akun facebook nya, pikiran2 yg dulu aku kubur muncul kembali, dan terpaksa aku harus mengeluarkannya. Kalau sahabatku, Dinda, tau kalau kau melakukan hal seperti ini (membuka facebook dia) dia akan sangat marah dan mulai menceramahiku, karena hal yg aku perbuat adalah hal bodoh yg selalu aku lakukan, dan itu semua percuma. Yg aku dapatkan adalah luka masa lalu yg semakin sakit aku rasakan. Aku hanya ingin tahu keadaan dia L aku tidak bisa menahan keinginan untuk tidak mengetahui kabarnya.

Bahkan ketika aku pulang ke rumah, aku berharap aku bertemu dengan dia. Tapi aku mengurungkan niatku, karena aku tidak bisa membayangkan jika aku memang benar2 bertemu dia. Apakah aku akan berlari dan bersembunyi ketika melihatnya ? atau aku akan berpura2 tidak melihatnya ? atau aku akan bersikap biasa2 saja seperti kami tak pernah mempunyai masalah ? atau bahkan aku akan gemetar melihat dia lalu menangis ? entahlah, tapi sungguh sangat memalukan -_________________________-

Dia saja sudah melupakanku, untuk apa lagi aku harus mengingatnya ??

Sudahlah, lupakan. Anggap semua ini mimpi indahku sekaligus mimpi burukku. Yang menghilang ketika aku bangun dan takkan mengingatnya lagi. Andai ini bisa bekerja…….

 

a dialogue

I would like to share you some story which I got it from Google, but Im sorry I forgot to put the address. but enjoy it :)

Boy : hey honey :-*

Girl : hey </3

Boy : how was your day ? J

Girl : whats it to you ? L

Boy : did I do something wrong :o

Girl : no :l

Boy : then whats wrong :s

Girl : I hate you </3

Boy : ummmm…. Why? :o

Girl :you never do anything wrong and I mess up all the time :’(

Boy : that’s why you hate me ? :s

Girl : yes :/

Boy : well then I hate you because you are too pretty for me and your eyes are breath taking and any guy would be lucky to have you. So I hate you for choosing me.

Girl : u hate me ? :O L

Boy : no stupid.. I love you… <3 :-*

Shopping with Neng Rahma

Tadi aku sama neng rahma belanja, haha mungkin bener apa yang dibilang orang-orang, kalo cewe itu hobi shopping. kalo aku, shopping itu bukan sebuah hobi, tapi lebih ke pemuasan diri. kalo lagi stress, aku ngedadak gila belanja. padahal lagi ga punya duit. hahaha..

walaupun cuma liat-liat baju di etalase, kerudung warna-warni digantung dimana-mana, itu udah cukup bikin hati seneng. megang doang aja udah seneng :D

tapi satu yang jadi perhatian kalo kita lagi belanja. KONTROL DIRI ! ini penting banget buat ngejaga dompet kita supaya kita ga terlalu banyak ngeluarin uang. pilih barang-barang yang emang penting, yang ga penting gausah dibeli. tawar harga juga bisa jadi cara buat meminimalisir pengeluaran saat kita belanja.

kebetulan tadi aku sama neng belanja di Pasar Baru, Bandung. and did you know what? pasar itu penuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh banget sama manusia. aku sama neng sampe mau pingsan ! oke oke, emang aku rada sedikit lebay, tapi kamu ga bakal pernah tau rasanya gimana, berada ditengah-tengah kerumunan orang dari segala arah, sebelum kamu dateng dan belanja disana.

harga disana relatif cukup murah dengan kualitas barang yang lumayan cukup bagus juga. kalo mau dapet barang bagus dengan harga murah, kamu harus punya skill tawar menawar tingkat profesional. hahaha
orang kaya filia octavia, yang ga jago nawar mah, paling cuma bisa nurunin seperempat dari harga asli. padahal kalo aku bisa nawar tuh ya, beuhh.. bisa nyampe setengah harga kurang tuh dapetnya.
kaya aku sama neng tadi, hahaha

kebetulan bapak yang jaga stallnya baik, jadi kita dikasih potongan harga, lumayan lahh :D
sebelum dikasih potongan harga, kita sempet diwawancara dulu sama tuh bapak. hmm..

aku sama neng keliling-keliling pasar baru, gatau nyari apaan. ckck udah gitu kita mutusin buat pulang aja.
kepala aku udah sakit dan hari udah makin siang, makin panas, makin cape.
kita pulang naik angkot st hall - lembang. sepanjang jalan, neng tidur di pundak aku -_-"

aku sama neng udah nyampe di ciwaruga, trus s neng solat dzhur padahal udah hampir mau jam 3 haha parah dia, trus dia tidur di kasur aku dan aku nulis cerita ini. tadinya sih mau tidur, tapi ngantuk itu tiba-tiba ilang pas aku udah ngetik satu paragraf. aku semangat nulis lagi nih ! hahaha :D

dukung aku terus yaa... ceritanya sampe sini dulu, tar disambung lagi :)
thank for reading ! ^^

pict : http://www.google.co.id/imgres?start=97&hl=id&biw=1366&bih=585&gbv=2&addh=36&tbm=isch&tbnid=qgeNNqCnHWmb_M:&imgrefurl=http://www.thedoodlegirl.com/illustration-friday/shop-til-you-drop&docid=-u4u28O4ypPcHM&imgurl=http://www.thedoodlegirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/shopping-girl-in-colors.gif&w=1234&h=1164&ei=FtXmT5f3M4L5rQfpiJ3-CA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=860&vpy=270&dur=374&hovh=218&hovw=231&tx=131&ty=184&sig=104286093792118739994&page=4&tbnh=137&tbnw=145&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:38,s:97,i:23